origin in man and woman

Who is my maker? Where do I come from?
For so long I never even had the fundamental belief that I was born; there was a transfer of me into the family, but pre-that, there was nothingness.  Not even nothingness, like absence of anything (so that nothingness doesn't exist).  The idea of my existence pre-transfer was not even a thought or a non-thought.  Then at some point the consciousness of an origin point arose, but it was limited to my birthmother--it was completely woman-centered.  I was shocked to realize some time after I began searching for my birthmother that there was also a man involved in my creation.  That filtered in and my search expanded to encompass him, whoever "he" was.  Then  some time after that I was shocked again to realize that when I would wonder about my sister's origins, I was only considering a woman source, until it finally hit me that my sister was also created by a man.
I know hardly anything about my birthfather.  He is now dead.  I never met him.  Its almost like in a way, he never was.  Maybe if I ever find out more about him he will become more real to me.  Like, I don't even know his full name.  I don't know anything about his family, his lineage.  A name--that would be so clarifying for me.  I would know more about me if I knew his family's name.

It is a dissociating feeling knowing that there are people out there in the world who you know hardly anything about, yet you began from them and carry both their gifts and their weight into this life.  There's something very un-real about it, but its what is, nothing more, nothing less.  Its a fate, and it shapes.