My birth mother is ignoring me. I know its a process, and we are on one point of the continuum. The process is excruciating, though. I emailed her and asked her about my birth father's last name (I still don't know it). I asked her about family health history. She didn't respond. I emailed her and suggested we talk by phone with a translator. No response. I began to feel desperate (I hate that feeling. Its one that I only feel with her and one other person in the world) and I emailed her back again and asked if she got my emails....? She responded and said she's really stressed out and she would call me in a week. I immediately felt angry and resentful. I waited a day, and then wrote back and nicely said I do not want to add to her stress, and why doesn't she let me know when she's ready to talk and I'll arrange for a translator.
Its hard to feel the feelings underneath my reaction of stoic-ness. When I get a glimpse, I know its the feeling of deep sadness connected to abandonment and rejection. I want her to want me. I want her to get past whatever she's dealing with and break through and make the connection. I know that I am lucky that I actually found her; I have met many who are still searching. But sometimes it feels like a curse.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Your journey is really difficult right now, I am so sorry for the pain - I hear your hurt and need and feel it too. The difference for me is that I have known my biological mother all my life, she was the only mother I knew and she could not find love in her heart for me One thing I know for sure is that time heals. Give her time. Give yourself time and allow the universe to provide the right timing for both of you.
ReplyDeleteCare and hugs,
xxx